Book Blurb Is Here! What Do You Think?

books, poem, novel, stories, flash fiction, high fantasy, science fiction, author blog, book series, story series, haiku, eerawls, author elise e rawls,

I am both excited and nervous to share this. It’s one of those “author moments,” I guess. 🙂 Here is V. Chronicles, Book #1 blurb/summary! Please tell me and VOTE what you honestly think, and if something should be reworded. I’ve been staring at it for far too long, and need your lovely input.

~

Aken-Shou is mischievous, and a bit of a troublemaker, but he’s an honest to a fault soul and a dreamer at heart. Living in the rough part of Draethvyle city, he strives to make the best of things, until a tragedy forces him to leave his current life behind and roam the streets to survive. The handsome and graceful Master Nephryte approaches, a powerful Master of the D.G. League, and he has an offer for Aken that may just change his unpleasant life…

Memories fade into ancient legend, and soon the Emperor responsible for breaking the world will return, to finish what he started 2000 years ago. The only hope of stopping him is an ancient power of the Swan Reborn, but she’s busy being an average elf, at the moment…

Cyrus Sole is a good elf, but she can’t seem to find anybody else who thinks so. The whole town wanted her gone from the start. Her dad barely tolerates her, and her step-mom makes it clear she prefers her half-sister. She knows why. It’s because her real mother wasn’t an elf, but something more powerful and forbidden. Something that all elves bitterly hate…

When a chance meeting with one of her mother’s kind comes along, she is offered a chance at escape. She can leave her hometown behind and runaway with Gandif to the kingdom in the north, and there begin a new life! However, a suddenly awakened power within her, able to manipulate metal, means she must be trained to control it. And the only way to do so, is at Draethvyle city’s elite school of the D.G. League. It is a dangerous place for elves, but she must go, and there she will find what she never expected to.

Within the pristine walls, she finds herself lodged with a group of misfits, the orphans and odd-balls of school society, known as Floor Harlow. But there are two problems:

  1. This is a school for “boys.”
  2. Elves cannot enter the school, nor even the city itself, unless they are a slave.

She must create a new identity for herself, and hope she can hide behind it, until her training is complete…

~

There you have it! Please tell me your thoughts. Would you read this book based on the blurb? Does something in the blurb need to be changed, or is it great as is? Does this type of story interest you, or maybe not…?

Connect with me on FacebookTumblr, Google+, and Twitter. If you would like to read more about me, WIPs, and things not on the blog, follow my monthly mailing list.

Advertisements

48 thoughts on “Book Blurb Is Here! What Do You Think?

  1. This sounds really interesting! I think it’s a little long; when I pick up a book to read the back cover, I usually read the first couple sentences. If those bore me, then I just skip the rest and put the book back. So you want to make sure the first sentence packs a wallop and makes the potential reader want to read on. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think the blurb is intriguing and would make me take a look at the first page and even buy!! However, I think it’s a little too long, but I’m not entirely sure what you should cut without taking away too much of the important factors of information. I think proverbs31teen has it right, and the first couple of sentences are what draw you as a reader, so are greatly important to serve as a hook! It is interesting though…! I’ll be keeping an eye out for this one. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds cool! But the wording is a little odd in places. Try reading it out loud or have someone else read it to you/for you. It’s also very long. Do you have a shorter version? Something that can fit nicely on the back cover of a book in only two or so paragraphs?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a potentially good story! The plot kinda reminds me of Disney’s Mulan with slight Narnia feels 🙂 Like what others say, I think it’s a little long for a blurb. Some prefer a shorter version but one which gives a good hint of what the story’s about. Quality and quantity are factors, I think. But of course, I’m sure this story will be a good hit. I like the proper names and the fantasy theme is amazing and unique 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m with Kima and Proverbs; the blurb is a little too long, but it’s on the right track. We get an idea of what the story may be about in terms of external and internal conflict. We also have a sense of what dangers the character(s) will face as a result. Those are all important things to read in a blurb, because readers will a) want to know what the stakes are, and b) have an inkling that they could root for and care about the protagonist.

    What I’d suggest is the same advice that Kima and Proverbs offered: Cut the blurb to two or three paragraphs tops. Take a look at some of the blurbs for books you have at home. See what kind of wording they use, and how specific or general they tend to be. And not that I mean to tout my own “products,” but have you checked out the Premise Themes Worksheet yet? If you haven’t, you might benefit from the first activity there.

    Also, who is the main character? Is it Cyrus, or Aken-Shou? The main character should be the first name to appear in your blurb; and based on what I’ve read, I’m not sure which one it is.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much for your advice, Sara! I checked Premise worksheet out, but that was months ago. I think I’ll take another look at it now that I’m working on the blurb. Thanks for reminding me!
      Ah, yes. That’s another thing about this story. There are two main characters, and it’s necessary that way. I know some people are uncomfortable with the idea of having two, but in this story it works. Aken and Cyrus are like night and day, black and white, and key players in the plot. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Other than the length of the blurb (as previous mentioned already so won’t go in to it), yes, I would be very interested to read the book! I love the hint of intertwining stories between two strangers that will likely take place at D.G. League’s school. I want to meet this characters. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think, as has already been pointed out, that it’s a bit too long. Also, and I’m definitely not an expert, but I think mum and dad might be better as mother and father. I don’t have an intelligent explanation as to why, but I think it would flow better. And I’m not sure about the ending of this sentence: “The only hope of stopping him is an ancient power of the Swan Reborn, but she’s busy being an average elf, at the moment.” The “at the moment” doesn’t quite sound right. Maybe something more like but she’s untrained in her power.

    Other than that, I lke it. And I would definitely be interested in reading the book. I like elves, and it sounds like you’ve got an interesting take on them. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your advice, Phoenixgrey! Yes, I’ll work on cutting the length down. 🙂 As for “mom and dad,” and “at the moment,” they are words and phrases teenagers in America tend to use, and my main audience is teenagers. I think I will do a lot of rewording in this blurb, though. Thank you for pointing it out. Hopefully the next one will be better. 🙂
      I’m so happy you’re interested in reading it! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I would definitely read this story, and I’m SO GLAD that I finally have a good idea of what your story is about. I know you’ve worked on it for awhile now and it’s so great to see what you mean. I like the book blurb and how you presented each character and teased the story behind them. There are unknown things, like the D.G. Academy and a lot of other stuff. That’s okay, from the blurb it’s obvious this is fantasy and I would be able to tell it’s character-oriented. Based on that, I would pick up this book from the library, etc. I’m not sure if this would be your book blurb for the back of the book or the info listed when someone checks and sees what it’s about. If so, it may be a little long. I’m not saying it’s bad whatsoever, I just mean that squeezing all that text on the back of the book may need you to cut some stuff out. But wow, so far so good! I can’ wait until I read and review it 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Lily!! I’m glad I could finally draft up a blurb, instead of just hinting at what the story’s about all the time, haha. 🙂 I think I’ll hold onto this draft for a “longer summary version” of the book, but I’ll put a “short version” on the actual book itself and places like Goodreads. 🙂 Yay, so excited! 😀

      Like

  9. I think a lot of what people are saying hits it on the head. I don’t think you should go into quite so much detail for a blurb. You just want to throw out a main idea of what the book is about, with just enough to tease us into wanting more.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Blurbs are even harder than titles. I tend to go with less is more, shorter is better, throw in choice bits to reel in the reader, and leave the rest.
    When I pick up a book and flip it over, I want to know 3 things:
    1. The main character (Ex: young thief girl)
    2. A problem/conflict (Ex: needs to steal the king’s enchanted ruby so she won’t get sold into slavery by her malicious master)
    3. Why it’s awesome (Ex: but first, she’ll have to survive the deadly gang she’s teamed up with and convince them she’s worth keeping alive)

    You have a lot of *brilliant* advice in the comments above, so I’ll just throw in this: First, while the premise of the story sounds interesting, the blurb is a little confusing (for reasons Sara, Proverbs31teen, and Kima elaborated on), and I really just want to know who Cyrus is (and any other important/POV characters), at least one of her problems/conflicts, and why this book is so awesome that we all need to buy it.
    And yes, that’s actually a tall order. It’s hard to condense awesome – but I’m looking forward to seeing you do it, because it sounds like you have a lot of great stuff there 😉

    Liked by 1 person

Share a comment, thought, or idea! We'd love to hear it.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s